We live in the most hectic period of history to date. In a mere two decades were have created an incredibly complex and efficient web of communication that allows us to instantly access any person, place, or potted plant in the world. No longer are we in the days of the Renaissance where men believed that everything in the world was knowable. Instead, we are living in a time where a constant bombardment of information, messages, and signals is the norm. Therefore, along with this proliferation of instantaneous communicative technology, we must accept, unfortunately, that we cannot possibly perceive everything to which we are exposed. Instead, we are forced to carefully pick and choose our blind spots. Sometimes while living in the thrashing hurricane of life we miss things we shouldn't. Only after we are afforded a respite from the violence of living are we able to comprehend certain things we should have understood years ago. The winds have died down and here I am reporting, on location, from the eye of the storm.
Some time ago, a governmental campaign went into effect that is a clear effort by the McCheese regime to restrict the freedom of discretion we McDonaldland citizens hold so dear. I'm speaking, of course, of the “I'm lovin' it” campaign. I'm sure you are all familiar with the television, print, and in-store advertisements that depict citizens from a wide array of races, creeds, and colors all enjoying their meals with an unwavering satisfaction. Unfortunately this is a very hazy representation of reality. Despite popular media's depiction of affairs in McDonaldland, not every meal consumed here is tasty enough to “love.” In fact, the current impression held by most outside the McDonaldland boarders of the state of affairs couldn't be further from the truth. Here's a reality check: my fellow citizens and I are forced to stand in ketchup lines for hours just for a few drops of the essential condiment. We do not ask for such extravagances as the pickle, or the special sauce, but rather, we seek the simple ingredients: mustard, lettuce, onion. We are expected to enjoy the supposed “world famous fries” while the price of salt has soared to astronomical heights and can only reasonably be purchased by the McDonaldland elite. This is not a situation where “lovin' it” is possible, but the powers that be refuse to acknowledge our reality.
Instead, we here in McDonaldland are provided with a single phrase with which to describe our current state of affairs: “I'm lovin' it.” All other possible expressions of approval/disapproval are being phased out in favor of “I'm lovin' it.” Our lexicon as discerning citizens is being eroded. Soon we will lack the ability to express any displeasure whatsoever. Here's a taste of things to come if we allow McCheese and his cronies to continue destroying our vocabulary: “How do you feel about a frighting eugenics program that turns common trashcans into sentient beings capable of not only unhindered consumption but also basic speech?” “I'm lovin' it” “How do you feel about insufficient medical funding and non-existent aid for the mentally retarded (sorry Grimace, we don't have any medication again for you this month)?” “I'm lovin' it” “How do you feel about your hamburger being burgled again by a known criminal who walks the streets free from any fear of imprisonment?” “I'm lovin' it.”
Whereas in the Burgerkingdom they are free to “have it their way,” we here in McDonaldland are forced to only “love it.” We are given no other option. The message sent by the McCheese regime is “love it” or else. Our freedom of discretion is promised in the very first amendment of the McDonaldland Bill of Rights. While consuming a meal, we here in McDonaldland are justified in not just “lovin' it.” We the citizens of McDonaldland reserve the right to also “enjoy it,” “appreciate it,” “consider it,” and even so much as “dislike it.” This attempt by McCheese to force us into lexical servitude must not continue. We must stand up and say, “NO! We are not lovin' it. NO! We will not play your games. NO! You cannot indoctrinate us. This campaign will not stand!” We shall no longer idly allow you, Mayor McCheese, to silently indoctrinate us with your catchy jingles and slogans. We are hip to your game, and now our eyes are wide open. Specifically we will identify and destroy those message with which you attempt to determine to what degree we approve or disapprove of anything, especially in regards to our meals, which, after all, are what McDonaldland is founded upon.
